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Explore the series The Youth Development Center

Transcript

EPISODE 1: The Black Box

Andy Perkins wanted to get it right, to keep all the memories straight. So, he wrote it down.

In three Word documents, Andy typed out a personal history of his time at a place called YDC – the Youth Development Center.

Andy had just reached out to some lawyers, and he figured it would be important to get all the stories together in one place.

[Andy Perkins, reading] I'm worried I didn't put something in that will be needed. I'm worried I’ll hear that I didn't get all the stories in the correct order or something crazy like that. These things happened. It was 30 years ago. I remember these things extremely vividly. What I don't remember for sure is exact timing and some events that surround these.

YDC was the juvenile jail for the state of New Hampshire. Judges sent boys and girls there for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes a serious violent act like an assault or even a murder. But usually much smaller things, like stealing, or running away from home.

For Andy, it was a burglary.

He and a friend broke into a house that Andy says was a party spot for local kids. He says they found some cocaine inside, and they used it, and then, Andy says they trashed the place.

He was 14. First, the judge sent him to a group home, then a wilderness therapy camp. Then, Andy kneed a staffer at the camp in the groin. The judge declared Andy was a danger to society.

So, off to YDC – the last stop in the state’s juvenile justice system.

[Andy Perkins] I was scared. I was terrified. It was real, you know, jail. The doors, everything, you know – especially the doors sound, I think, bothered me the most, that clickin’ sound. It's so final. You know, you're shut off from the world.

[music in]

At YDC, kids were separated into several buildings staff called “cottages.” Air quotes there because these were detention facilities – blocky brick buildings with cells inside. Each cottage had a different name. Andy was assigned to East Cottage.

Today, Andy is in his late 40s. Dark hair and a wiry frame. And despite the sobering story that he shared with me, he has this optimism. He’s always ending his text messages to me with a smiley face. It’s an outlook he brought even to this letter, describing his first few months as a 15-year-old at YDC.

[Andy Perkins, reading] I want to point out some of the positive. The other staff at East Cottage were mostly decent humans in my experience. There was one staff specifically named Eric at East. He knew my family was poor. He saw that I had no money for sodas and other perks that others did have. He would bring in furniture for me to sand and pay my account so I could have money for the extras.

[music out]

I decided to work on getting released and began that quest. I went out of my way to look good. I would stay up late and wax the floors on occasion. I made sure I was respectful to staff and other residents. The depression I had been sufferin’ was lifting and I felt good.

Andy didn't stay at East cottage for long. Cottages at YDC had different levels of security and restrictions for the kids. Good behavior could earn you a spot in the more relaxed cottage, Pinecrest. At Pinecrest, you could earn weekends home to see your family.

[Andy Perkins, reading] Pinecrest was the way home. That had been my goal since the first group home… (sniffs) I earned my way to Pinecrest and felt really good about myself.

The staff at Pinecrest were laid back and let us get away with a lot more than East Cottage. They brought us on field trips, gave us freedom and trust. I have no complaints about the staff at Pinecrest. This was also when my estranged father showed up out of the blue to visit me. I had only seen him twice in my life until then… (sighs)

[Andy Perkins] …Can I have a second?

[Jason Moon, off mic] Yeah…

[Andy Perkins] I-I didn’t expect that. Je-sus…

[Jason Moon, off mic] Do you want to take a break?

[Andy Perkins] Nope, just a second.

I had asked Andy to read this letter out loud for me in a studio at NHPR. It wasn’t easy for him. There were moments when Andy’s feelings suddenly rushed to the surface – like this one, when he got to the part about his dad.

Andy struggled with his father’s absence as a kid and his relationship with his mom wasn’t great either.

So, just imagine the mix of hope and trepidation in 15-year-old Andy. His absent dad suddenly shows up at YDC and tells him he’s going to try to get him out of there, so that Andy can move in with him.

Andy is excited, and he says he goes on his best behavior. And eventually, it earns him a weekend pass from YDC to visit his dad’s house.

[Andy Perkins, reading] I was told I had to speak to Lucien before I went home. I was escorted by staff from Pinecrest (I think it was Al that brought me. I don't remember his last name) to the main buildin’. I took a seat in front of Lucien's desk. He told Al he would call them to pick me up after we were done talkin’. Al left and Lucien sat at his desk. Lucien asked why he should let me go home for the weekend. I… was confused. I had never spoken to Lucien and thought I had done everything required. I replied, “I’ve done everything I was told I needed to do, plus volunteerin’ for extra jobs.” Lucien laughed and said, “You haven't done everything.” I asked what I had done wrong. Lucien laughed again and then replied, “It-It's not about what you did wrong. It's about, what have you done for me?” I was very confused. “I have barely ever spoken to this guy, what the hell does he mean,” I thought. I told him I didn't understand. He asked how badly I wanted to go home.

[music in]

I told him, “It's all I can think about.” I told him how much I missed all my friends and family. I told him I did what I was told was needed, but if I missed something, I would make up for it. Lucien giggled and said, “Good.” I'll never forget how he said the word “good.” It was evil.

[music post]

[Andy Perkins, reading] Lucien then said, “Let's get started.” He pushed his wheeled desk chair from behind the desk so I could see all of him. You could see an erection through his pants. He slapped his inner thighs and said, “I need help with this.” I couldn't look at him after this and didn't know what to do. I felt sick. He kept tellin’ me to “look at it” – “Look at me, look at it. It's ok, don't be shy.” He kept talkin’. “Five minutes from now you could be going home. Just look at it!” He began to unzip his pants. I stood up and walked to the door. It was locked. I started to panic. I was scared. When I finally could speak, I said, “I-It's ok – I'll just stay at the cottage. I don't want to go home anymore.” He told me to sit down. I begged him to just let me leave. He got angry, zipped his pants up, and yelled, “Fine! I knew you didn't want to go home,” he said.

[music out]

Andy says before Lucien kicked him out of his office that day, he warned him:

[Andy Perkins, reading] “You know they won't believe you if you say anything.”

Lucien was an adult, a supervisor at YDC. Andy was just a kid. And more than that, he was a quote-unquote “bad kid.” So, Lucien was probably right: Who was going to believe him?

[theme music in]

For three decades, Andy didn’t really talk about YDC. And then, he saw something on the news. The faces of some of the same YDC staff – not just Lucien – who had abused him.

And Andy realized… he wasn’t the only person with a story about YDC.

So he called some lawyers, started writing that letter.

Thirty years after he’d left the facility, Andy Perkins learned his story was part of the biggest government scandal in state history.

[theme music post]

From New Hampshire Public Radio, I’m Jason Moon and this is The Youth Development Center.

[theme music up & out]

From the outside, today, YDC doesn’t look so bad – more like a small college campus than a jail. To get there, you cross through a suburban neighborhood, then turn up a long, leafy road.

The land used to be a farm. It belonged to the Revolutionary War hero who came up with New Hampshire’s famous state motto: “Live free or die.”

[music in]

The whole idea of YDC goes back to the 1850s. It had a different name back then, but same campus and roughly same idea: a place for the state to shelter, educate, and nurture troubled kids instead of sending them to adult jails and prisons.

Back when it started, that was kind of a radical idea. And the people in charge of YDC loved to promote it. As far back as 1879, YDC was pitched as a place of reform, a, quote, "pleasant home" – not a prison.

It was built to save the kids who were sent there.

[music out]

But in the early 1990s, that is not how Andy Perkins felt. That day he walked out of Lucien's office, he was scared. And Lucien's warning was ringing in his ears:

[Andy Perkins, reading] “You know they won't believe you if you say anything.”

Lucien Poulette declined to comment for this story through an attorney.

This is the first time Andy has told this story publicly, which is a big deal because, normally, YDC is a black box.

[music in]

Since it’s a juvenile facility, almost all of the records are confidential. For the same reason, you can’t just call or write a letter to a kid inside to ask them how things are going. You can’t even learn the names of the kids inside. Their families can visit, but a lot of the kids at YDC were there because of an unstable home life.

So, it’s not easy to find out what’s happening in YDC. If you drive up to the campus and just start looking around, you’ll get kicked out – believe me.

[music out]

And all this is why I want you to hear from Andy – Not just because he was there and wrote down his experience in powerful writing, but because he also came with receipts.

Andy requested his own resident file from YDC and then he shared it with me.

[Andy Perkins] So, the first thing, when I started goin’ through all that, was – you know, I’m seein’ this stuff and it’s bringing back memories. But what really, really, really slammed me was seein’ my picture. And if you loo– in the very first picture I still, I… I was still ok, you know? I could see it in my eyes, I was still a kid. But… not after that. Look at the subsequent ones, I don’t know.

The file is a collection of all kinds of documents about Andy’s journey through the juvenile justice system. The pictures Andy found are from different points at his time at YDC, from 1991 to 1993, from 15 to 18 years old.

There’s a report on the items Andy had on him when he was booked at YDC: “One sweater, one pair jeans, one gold metal colored chain.” Even some of Andy’s worksheets from the on-campus school at YDC.

But there were a few records that really caught my eye: a couple of handwritten reports by YDC staff about a time when they say they physically restrained Andy… and Andy says something much worse happened.

[Andy Perkins] I never got to see this back then, but uh, I’m lookin’ at their reports on what happened and well… their’s doesn’t make sense and then you read mine and you’re like… “Oh!”

[music in]

I’m going to walk you through this moment so you can hear for yourself how staff described it in their own words.

The incident involves two former YDC staffers: Gordon Thomas Searles and John McDonald. I’m just gonna let you know now that you’re not going to hear from them. Gordon Searles declined to comment through an attorney. John McDonald is dead.

The incident happens on June 21st, 1993. Andy is 17 years old. It’s been a couple of years since that moment in Lucien’s office. And it’s clear that something goes down in Andy’s room. But it’s hard to say what exactly because Gordon and John’s reports… they don’t quite match up.

Gordon writes that he went into Andy’s room because he was being loud. Then, Gordon writes that, quote, “Andy started up again being very mouthy. Andy got up quick. I grabbed Andy’s left arm and restrained and I had him against the wall.” End quote.

But John – his report says he and Gordon restrained Andy two separate times: first, in Andy’s room and then again after they moved him to a second room. During one of the restraints, John writes, quote, “I could see that Andy’s temper was starting to escalate, and I thought he was going to get up off his bed.” John says they held Andy down on the bed until he calmed down.

These reports were written the day after the incident. So the fact they don’t even agree on the number of times they restrained Andy is a little suspicious. So is their justification for why they needed to hold down a 17-year-old. Quote, “I thought he was going to get up off his bed”? No indication that Andy was dangerous in any way. And then, the way they describe how they handled Andy – it’s all cloaked in euphemisms. At one point, John says they, quote, “guided” Andy to the bed.

Here's what Andy says really happened that day. He wrote about it in his letter that he read to me in the studio.

Andy's story starts a bit before the incident.

[Andy Perkins, reading] Durin’ one of our "counseling sessions" with Gordon (Tommy), he let us ask him some questions. I asked where he went to school for psychology. I assumed that he must have gone to college for that if he was a counselor. // I asked because I figured it would be a community type college – he was terrible at being a counselor. I kept that thought to myself. I got a more physical answer than verbal. He stood up, grabbed me by the collar and said, "Still runnin’ your fuckin’ mouth?!" He led me to my cell and pushed me through the door. // All I could say was, "What did I do wrong? I only asked where you went to college!” // Tommy said, "You know you're tryin’ to make me look bad.”

In Andy's version, it all goes down in his cell. Andy is sitting on his bed. Gordon Thomas Searles, who Andy sometimes refers to as Tommy or Tom in his letter, is standing near him. Then John McDonald – the other staffer – he shows up and stands in the doorway.

Andy keeps arguing with them.

[Andy Perkins, reading] I looked at Johnny and said, "You weren’t there and should mind your own fuckin’ business.” Instant regret. (sighs) J– (sniffs) Johnny started coming at me. I felt Tom grab my arms and pull them behind me. Johnny grabbed a pillow. I thought he was going to suffocate me. I started to struggle. (sniffs) Gordon might have had a limp, but he was a big, strong guy. I could not break free. Johnny took the pillow and put it against my neck with his hand around my throat and pushed me against the wall. These pillows were maybe a quarter inch thick. I could feel his fingers squeezin’ harder and harder. I was sitting on the bed and now my neck was straight with the wall, but my back wasn't. Johnny cranked my neck into the wall. // I heard a “pop” and started to black out. The last thing I remember was Johnny in my face on top of me sayin’, "I could fuckin’ kill you right now and no one would care!”

[music in]

We can’t rely on abusers to report themselves. And the government officials who ran YDC seemed to know that, so they set up a way for the kids to make complaints: an ombudsman program. In theory, it was a way for kids to raise the alarm outside the normal power structure.

After Andy was assaulted, he did just that. He used the system exactly the way it was designed. He asked for an ombudsman form and in his 17-year-old handwriting, he describes the assault on him, saying, quote: “There was an argument and John McDonald grabbed my neck for no reason. I don’t think staff should physically touch a resident unless they are losing control.” Signed, Andy Perkins.

[music post]

It seems like Andy filling out this form did prompt some investigating, because the very next page in Andy’s resident file is an unlined white sheet of paper with a handwritten note from a supervisor.

The supervisor says he’s discussed the allegations with Andy and the staff involved. The nurse tells him Andy’s neck is swollen. A doctor has put Andy in a neck brace. And then, the supervisor apparently looks at Andy for himself and he writes, quote, “He does have finger marks on his neck.”

[music up and out]

So, the system is working so far, right? Andy complained of abuse, a supervisor is looking into it and is corroborating his claim. The supervisor even writes that he notifies the local police department.

And then, he finishes his report with this line, quote: “As of now, it’s out of my hands.” …Which is a kind of funny thing to say if you’re really concerned about Andy being physically abused. It’s the day after the incident and you can almost hear this supervisor wiping his hands clean.

By the way, Andy remembers this part a little differently, too. He told me YDC staff didn’t notify the police. He did.

[Andy Perkins] Yeah, I called 911 as soon as I got to a phone… and–

[Jason Moon] You called 911 from inside YDC?

[Andy Perkins] Oh yeah! So, a state trooper showed up, talked with me a little, joked with them, left. Never heard another thing about it.

[music in]

So, law enforcement knew about this incident: a kid in a juvenile jail with finger marks on his neck, who now had to wear a neck brace, who says YDC staff did this to him.

And what happens next? Nothing. There’s no record that Thomas Gordon Searles or John McDonald faced any criminal charges for this. And they both went on to work at YDC for years.

As a 17-year-old in a neck brace, Andy Perkins had the wherewithal to file a formal complaint. He even says he called the police from inside YDC – the most earnest, kid logic cry for help I can imagine in a facility like this. He did exactly what the system asks a kid in this situation to do: Report the abuse. It doesn’t help.

Meanwhile, on paper, YDC staff can say they followed protocol. They gave Andy the ombudsman form. A supervisor looked into it. Heck! They even got the police involved.

They checked the bureaucratic boxes… and then, they said it was out of their hands.

[music up and out]

***** MIDROLL *****

Andy turned 18 in 1993 and YDC released him because they had to. He was an adult, legally, and outside the reach of the juvenile justice system.

Andy says he had lingering pain from that assault on the bed. Migraines and sharp stabs in his neck and back at random moments. Sometimes, he says his feet would go numb for no apparent reason.

[Andy Perkins, reading] (sniffs) I was able to function partially until my mid-30s. The pains I suffered were manageable with pain killers. It got to a point where I couldn't do physical work. The headaches, back/neck pain was an every day, all the time occurrence. (sniffs) I’m poor because I can’t work. (sniffs) There is no solution when you’re poor. (sniffs) I could write forever on my time at YDC and the messed up things that happened to me and others. These are the things that bother me the most. I’m reminded every day what happened. Soon as I wake up, I’m in pain. (shuffles papers, sighs deeply)

In the studio, Andy finishes reading his personal history of YDC. He starts nervously rearranging the papers.

Andy didn’t come to the studio alone. Sitting next to him the whole time was his ex-girlfriend, Amy Cousins. Andy and Amy seem to have one of those separated-partner relationships that’s so healthy it’s inspiring. They have a daughter together, who’s 15.

Before I turned the mics on, the three of us were just chatting, and Andy and Amy were talking about their daughter, and it was like someone just lit a fire in the fireplace. It was so wholesome and good.

But it wasn’t until Andy started reading that I realized: He brought Amy with him, not just for moral support – but also so that she could hear what really happened to Andy at YDC… for the first time.

[Andy Perkins] You-you don’t have to sit through it if you don’t want to, Amy. I’m sorry. (laughs) She’s never, she’s, she knows some of this, but she doesn’t know all of it, you know what I mean? So, she’s finding out about some of it now, too. (sniffs) // It’s good. It’s– obviously, I need to get it out, so that’s good. (sighs)

It took Andy about an hour to read everything he wrote about YDC. Most of it is painful – a lot more abuse than we could cover in this episode. And once he's done, I see that Amy's eyes are filled with tears.

[Amy Cousins] Pretty much alls I knew was that he was abused there and physically thrown around. That’s it. // Like, I’ve known him for, what did we say, 20-something years…?

[Andy Perkins] Over 20 years, yup.

[Amy Cousins] …Never knew any of this, like, details, you know? // But I guess I just never realized how long it was for, like, how bad it was.

[Jason Moon] Why do you… Why do you think you guys hadn’t talked about it in detail before?

[Amy Cousins] I just don’t think he probably wanted to even bring it up unless he had to and then, this came about–

[Andy Perkins] –It’s embarrassing, to be honest. But I’m past, I’m getting past that now–

[Amy Cousins] –I didn’t ask him. I never asked him to tell me.

[Jason Moon] What does it feel like now to have it, have it out on the table… for the first time?

[Andy Perkins] I’m kinda glad she knows, because she’s had to deal with some shit. I’m not pleasant sometimes, I’ll tell you that. I’ve had issues.

[Amy Cousins] Yeah.

[Andy Perkins] And maybe she can understand that a little better.

[Amy Cousins] Yeah, this definitely makes me think of things a lot differently with things that have happened.

Amy was looking at Andy as she said this. Later, she told me she was thinking of the terrible mood swings Andy used to have. Now, she says, they made a little more sense.

[music in]

Andy Perkins is now 48 years old. He’s had this story in his head, in his body, for about 30 years. And until about the last four years, I think it’s fair to say not many people would’ve been interested or would have believed him.

But now, they do…. because… there’s somewhere around 1,300 Andys.

[music out]

Andy’s story is now just one part of one of the largest youth detention abuse scandals in American history.

[theme music in]

And that’s what this series is about:

A place that boys and girls were forced by court order to live in, that was supposed to nurture them, that instead hurt them – in some of the worst ways imaginable.

A place that for decades was a black box that people are finally seeing into. And what they’re finding is absolutely shocking.

How did this happen? How did it finally come to light? I’ll show you.

[theme music post]

Next time on The Youth Development Center: What happens when a staffer does believe a kid and tries to raise the alarm?

[Karen Lemoine] And I was– at that point, I was scared. I realized I was workin’ in the wrong place.

…

A quick word before we go: If you have suffered abuse and need someone to talk to, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. If you’re in a mental health crisis, call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 9-8-8. You can also find these numbers in the show notes.

…

The Youth Development Center is reported, written, and produced by me, Jason Moon.

It’s edited by Katie Colaneri.

Additional editing by Lauren Chooljian, Dan Barrick, and Meribah Knight.

Fact-checking by Dania Suleman.

Our website is YDC-podcast-dot-org. It was made in collaboration with Russell Samora and Alvin Chang at the Peabody Award-winning digital publication The Pudding.

NHPR’s News Director is Dan Barrick. Our Director of Podcasts is Rebecca Lavoie.

Original artwork by Julia Louise Pereira and Jan Diehm.

Photography by Gaby Lozada and Raquel C. Zaldivar.

Original music by me, Jason Moon.

Special thanks this episode to Chuck Douglas and Amy Cousins.

Thanks also to my colleagues Sara Plourde, Zoe Kay, Olivia Richardson, Casey McDermott, Todd Bookman, and Taylor Quimby.

The Youth Development Center is a production of the Document team at New Hampshire Public Radio.

[theme music up and out]